Choices

Since 2020, All our lives have been turned upside down.  The COVID-pandemic is taking its toll on every country and it feels like we should get customed to a new normal.

Trying to see a positive is difficult as you see how families and friends are seeing falling members. This pandemic also has devastating effects on economies.  Forcing myself to look for positives, I struggle to found more than what I can count on a single hand.

But this pandemic has made me aware of a lot of things…

I have learned that hatred from a family member hurts more than you can ever realize, even if you pretend it doesn’t bother you.  It creates a hole that no-one can fill.  It creates a longing that you know will forever stay.  An unbearable pain that no-one can cure.  The bitter to swallow is knowing that the attempts to ‘salvage’ the relationship is in vain.

I have learned that changing the way you live for the sake of others is not living at all.  Adapting your life to accommodate someone you love, at the cost of your own well-being, can’t even be described as surviving, but truly the real meaning of a living dead.  In essence, stop living for the sake to make someone else happy, and sacrificing your own happiness is not a solution at all.  It merely treats a symptom, but not the problem.

I became aware that many use their religion as a cane to beat others, instead of using that cane to help you walk and support your weight.  I have found that some claim to be Christians (or any faith believer for that matter) when it suits them, yet their actions point in another direction. 
You cannot preach with a Bible under your arm, yet you don’t follow the Ten Commandments.  I understand and fully agree that no-one is perfect, but it frustrates me when people manipulate people to see them for who they want them to see and not for who they really are.

Friendships come and go; some will survive this turmoil times we live in, but others won’t.  It is the sad reality we face daily.  I have seen great people in my life, but for reasons (good and bad), the friendships faded.  Furthermore, some friendships that perished, formed part of the greatest parts of my life.

I think what I am trying to say is that life is about choices.  You are not born with hatred; you learn to hate.  You choose to manipulate and lie.  You choose to see the good or the bad.  You choose who you want in your life and who you don’t want in your life.
Sometimes choices with good intentions, are not the best choice for you.  We all make choices daily and some is good and the rest not so good. 

If you have to make a choice that eliminate any change of happiness in your life, just for the sake to keep the peace in a relationship or to make another happy even though you will then have no chance in happiness in your own life, is it truly the right choice?

Friendships and relationships are like breathing.  You inhale and exhale; give and take.  You can’t be alive with only the inhale or exhale part.  Try to inhale and walk around the block without exhaling?  Same applies to exhaling.  You can give everything in a relationship, but if the other party does not invest into that, it is not living; it is not a relationship. Is that worth it?\ Choices will sometimes hurt and it will sometimes bring you to s will sometimes hurt and it will sometimes bring you to our knees.  But the choices you make needs to better YOUR life and the people you choose to share your life with.  Life is worth living if you are in it.  Don’t be manipulated to sacrifice your life for someone not willing to do the same for you.

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Perspective (The Fence Between Truth And Deceit)

I haven’t been blogging for some time – partly time constraints; partly being in a bad space right now; partly struggling to stay positive, but unfortunately when my mind is flooded like this, I struggle to keep quiet.

Perception is a fuel. Perception is one sided and therefor unbalanced. Perception or the point of view of a person can be compared to a coin – it will either be heads or tails.

Regrettably, for that reason is life being overcomplicated for no apparent reason. Humans are too selfish or too judgemental to ‘look’ a bit further.

My relatives are at my house vs My family is at home.  It should mean the same, yet the meaning can be worlds apart.  Life has taught me that even the simplest of things are not necessarily what it seems. 

Let me explain…
A house is a structure with four walls that provide you a floor to keep you level, walls to keep you secure and a roof to provide you a safe environment. BUT… is a house a home?  A home is a place where you feel safe and secure and no need to put on make up to please anyone (or ‘look presentable’)

Relatives are defined by DNA or blood relation to one another.  Family should be mean the same, yet it does not.  You can have a close relative but that is what they end up being a relative by blood.  Family is someone that is there to support, assist, guide and protect you. 

A church or mosque is generalized to be a place of worship where you congregate in a building with four walls, yet surely it is not the building where the focus should be.  The church or temple should be your thoughts and your actions.  I can sit in church and drool over a sexy lady sitting on the bench in front… Did I benefit from going to church? Or did I go to church to be seen or to lust over a good-looking lady?  I am not saying that you shouldn’t go to a brick-and-mortar church, but when you go, don’t go so others see you or what you can see, but go for the correct reasons.

The perception of all Muslims are terrorists is merely an action of humans that try to enforce their views and beliefs onto others.  They say that the one country’s terrorist is another’s freedom fighter.  What fuel all this hatred?  Materialistic things that means NOTHING after death!  Simply respect one another.  Simply allow another the same freedom, respect and space than you have.  But alas… Humans are too arrogant to change. 

The COVID-19 pandemic has been tough on the world.  It also brought out the true colours of people.  Some for the better and a LOT for the worse.  I think I even realized why I prefer animals to people.  With animals, what you see is what you get.  A lion is a lion – it hunts and kill what it needs; a fish is a fish and swim in water.

But as humans, we would rather see someone drown or hold their head under water for our own benefit.  Perhaps it is a good time to have a mindset shift.  Perhaps we should not focus on the material things in life, but focus on the things that enrich our lives… not with currency, but with that tear in your eye or the butterfly in your stomach because it is a great feeling.

I have a ‘family’ that I love and cherish.  My family consists of a relative and friends.  The rest of my relatives are mere acquaintances.  My home is a parent that is a family, a church and a home.  I can be who I am.  I can smile and while the rest think I am happy, they know the hurt tearing me apart within.

Life is not about the riches in your wallet, but the lives you enriched with your actions, words and choices. 

Don’t be a slave to a one-sided view.  Try to understand before you unleash your tongue.  Try to build a strong family surrounding you – friends, relatives or even strangers”.  I wish you good fortune with regards to the choices you make.  I wish you a home filled with beautiful memories.  I wish you a family that will be an extension to all the good you can accomplish.
I wish you to be tolerant and respectful to your neighbour – irrespective if race, religion, age or any earthly characteristics. 

My ranting and raving done.

Be safe.

Memories – The Rebellion of Angels and Demons Within

Memories are something very unique and is a fingerprint of its own.  Memories can be good or bad.  Memories can be created where you are on the receiving end or the other end of someone else’s good/bad memories.  It is part of life and the inevitable journey we all have.

My unshakable memories, the good, the bad and the ugly experiences, were the building blocks of who I am today and directly influence my decision-making skills.  Some memories flare up more often than others; some hurt more than others; some cause tears to run down my face, and some put a smile on my face.

I have memories where I was a scapegoat for some; memories where I was toyed with and made a fool of; or being used for the growth and wellbeing to people that did not care how it affected me.  And the same applies to the hurt I have caused to the people I loved.  I was as much a monster as I was a victim and I form part of many bad memories of others (and hopefully some good ones too).  Many of my mistakes in my past still haunt me to this day.

And for a person that easily forgive, it is extremely frustrating when I realize I never forgave myself, nor does it feel that I will forgive myself soon.  Some memories present themselves as regrets where I can’t help to wonder “what if…” or “I should’ve…”.  When that happens, the memories become a burden that gradually grow to a point where I struggle to keep my chin up.

But of course, one does have good memories too.  Memories of a first love and first kiss; chatting for hours on end with someone you care about; memories of dancing in the rain; memories of a get together with friends are to mention a few, but it means as much to me now as it did all those years ago.  Some memories are my coping mechanism.  During tough times, I try to recall the best memories in my life – even though it hurts because it is something in the past and I can never reinvent those times.  I am very fortunate that I had magnificent people in my life in the past, and even now, there are still a few that always build up the good memories in my life.

But, things have changed.  In the past I was more open, and I shared more than I do now.  I have realized that I try to keep everything inside – partly not to expose myself to hurt again, or to disappoint the people in my life.  But is it what life is about?  Is it about ‘playing it safe’?  Or is it about protecting the important people in your life? Or is it about gambling with uncertainties and then hope for the best? In keeping to myself, does it reduce the possible good memories still to be made?

I find myself wondering if it is possible to change.  Or is it that at this stage of my life, change is almost impossible?  I would not mind experiencing some of my memories of my ‘long long ago in a faraway place’ again.  Or of such quality that I will never forget it. But it feels like that is just a mere wish upon a star where it is only possible in dreams.

Make time for the loved ones – often just a “hello” or “I miss you!” can remind someone that they are important in your life.  Keep those who create the good memories close to you and cherish them.  Capture those memories deep within you heart and mind!  Call on those memories as often as you can!  Let the good memories overshadow everything else.  Do not let the regrettable memories overpower the good ones as it will take a greater effort to rejuvenate your positive energy. Harvest and be part of good memories.

Damned If You do… Damned If You Don’t

I haven’t posted anything in a very long time, and I suppose there are many reasons for it.  As soon as I think I will frequent the blog more often, life happens.  And since I started with this blog, I have truly attempted to keep it to the positive side as life is negative enough as it is.

Unfortunately, it is not always possible.  The past few weeks has been ‘interesting’ to say the least.  A lot of things changed and now I find myself lost – not sure where I belong.  I know they say change is as good as a holiday, but to be brutally honest, I think I would rather prefer a holiday right now – just find myself in the right mindset again.

Today has been draining – physically and mentally – to a point where I am not sure if all these years where I have made attempts to be more positive about life and everything in it, was even worth it.  Apart from doubting myself, I doubt others as well.  I question every word and every action.  That by itself is already demoralizing.  But it is just one of those days that many people experience more often than they would like to admit.

Not Waving but Drowning

Stevie Smith – 1902-1971

Nobody heard him, the dead man,

But still he lay moaning:

I was much further out than you thought

And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he’s dead

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,

They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always

(Still the dead one lay moaning)

I was much too far out all my life

And not waving but drowning.

How does one find yourself in a better place?  How does one pull yourself back to your feet and hold your chin up?  How does one see past the darkness?  Where does one find inspiration to love life again?  Those are the questions I struggle to find answers to.  Of late it is easier to see the negative than the good in anything.

How does some do it?  I am not talking about putting up a smile and pretend nothing is wrong.  I have aced that art just to keep people from asking questions I do not have answers to, or that I am not ready to answer.  I am a master at that.  I am talking about people that really have been thrown to the wolves, and yet, they seem energetic and filled with positivity.  I just cannot get to that level.

Lost and alone… My mind is a chaos-filled battlefield where no good can come from.  Even good intentions are frowned upon and questioned.   I am worried for what may come and I am anxious about what the future may hold.  I am scared like I haven’t been in a while.

My Wish For You… 2019 And Beyond

I have not posted in a while… perhaps I was too tired, or I just couldn’t find the time, or I just lacked the inspiration.  Perhaps 2018 took a bigger toll out of me than what I originally thought.

Thinking back about 2018, I am not sure if there is anything great that stand out, but also not anything really detrimental stand out.  If I had to pinpoint one thing that stands out for me this year, is a quote I read online.  Quite an awesome story attached to it.  The quote is as follows:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more..

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting…

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- 

If you have never read the story about this wish above, please google it!

And so I find myself bidding farewell to friends I have known for ages, but life happened and our roads parted.  I find myself making wishes to friends and family, more often than not, these wishes will never reach them.

My mistakes of the past seems to be backseat drivers in my life.  I often push people I really got close to, away because I am afraid I mke the same mistakes.  It doesn’t mean I never think of them.  I always have them on my mind and I always wish them the best.

Alas, I wish you all a great 2019, full of great surprises and reasons to smile.  I wish you to appreciate your loved ones or people in your life.  They are sacred gifts.  They are like the oxygen in your life… you don’t always get to see their importance, but you need them in your life.

Happy New Year everyone!

 

 

A Unique Kind of Human

More often than not, the human race shows what demonic beast it can be.  Greed, corruption, racism, hatred, intolerance, and the list goes on and on!  Sometimes to the point where people prefer to avoid people than to engage with them.

But then…

A devastating fire absorbs a place called The Pilanesberg National Park (situated in the North West Province in South Africa, and roughly 570 square kilometers in size). Fittingly nicknamed “The Gem in the North West” where people often go to escape the every day life!  A place where nature surrounds you with beautiful scenery and the natural orchestra of animal calls.  It is a sanctuary not only for wildlife, but also for the sanity of some people.

As the fire continued its destructive path, it is evident how many people where heartbroken about the devastation.  Social media on several groups and pages cried for help and as you read the comments, you can feel the emotion and helplessness of everyone!

For some of us, it is an escape from the rat race.  Even a coping mechanism to cope as a matter of speaking with life.  I can even go so far as to call it my meditation!  For most of us that have visited Pilanesberg, it is the purest kind of joy!

Photographers and animal/nature lovers all are sharing their pain and emotions in one voice!  Each understood what the other felt!  No racial, religious, ethnic or language barriers or conflicts!  All over the world, everyone that has been to Pilanesberg are pleading in one language!  One voice!  One emotion!  United!  They are a unique kind of human!  Each one of these special people had one focus! The Pilanesberg National Park with all of its fauna, flora, staff and volunteers that were affected!

Everyone concerned, eager and willing to help where one can! Currently, the Park needs all the help it can get, whether it is volunteers or financial support to purchase bales or access to vet care, or rebuilding infrastructure!  If you know someone that can assist or if you are in the position to assist or support, please direct your browser to https://pilanesbergwildlifetrust.co.za.

PS:  If you have never visited Pilanesberg National Park, put it on your bucket list!  You will not regret it!

Pilanesberg NEVER disappointed me with sightings!