Life is filled with constants and variables: things we can change and things we can’t – notions defines as absolute or relational to…While some might say it is keeping life interesting, it is not always a walk in the park. Others even resolve to manipulation in an attempt to control the variables in life.

The last few weeks, I frequently found myself reflecting on events, circumstances, consequences, and choices (sometimes even misinterpreted) that I have made.  My whole life is filled with variables, with time being the only constant value.

Space is a variable that we live in and that we create – whether it is visible (like your home or garden) or fictional (in the mind’s eye).  Your circle of friends is a self-made fictional space and you tend to decide how big or small the circle is and who you allow in that circle.  At the same time, giving someone space to either reflect on something or to enable that person to find inner peace, isn’t always verbally communicated.  More often than not, it is seen as an uncaring characteristic.

Having enough respect for someone to sacrifice your own happiness in order to ensure their happiness is not just a sign of a loving heart, but also of pure intentions.  Space does not mean you are unreachable.  Many believe that a good friend is always with you are parties and clubbing.  Isn’t a true friend to speak the truth, irrespective of whether you would like to hear it or not?  Isn’t a friend the one that will give up their life for you in a heartbeat?

Even friends are variables in life.  You might argue and say that friends should be defined as a constant in life.  But hear me out…
Some friends come and go.  Others stay put.  The amount of friends differs often.  Even the quality of friends change.  Friendship, as is love, is like a fruit tree.  You water it, nourish it and protect it against the cold and in return you receive fruits and shade protecting you from the harsh elements.  A healthy give-and-take relationship: never one-sided.

Circumstances are variables often forced upon you, and sometimes it is just the result and consequences of decisions and/or actions.  Some decisions can change your whole life – for better or worse.

The variables in life are endless whether self-made or force upon.  There are people trying to manipulate anyone or anything in an attempt to control a variable, but not with lasting results.


Picture by Gerd Altmann

Even though a moment in time can be a fraction of a second, or years, time is our only true constant measurement tool.  What have you done with your time?  What have you accomplished in your life?

Years ago, I made the greatest mistake in my life:  a decision I made changed the course of my life forever.  Consequences of my decisions and actions have been a bitter pill to swallow.  But the pain is bearable and accompanied by what I have learned from my mistakes.  A person learns to adjust and adapt.

Variables are not always loom and gloom.  Variables, even though a form of uncertainty, can be positive too.  New experiences and new challenges and goals often reward a person more than what you would expect.  Appreciation is often a great gift!

I think what I am trying to say is to use time as your measurement tool.  Make every moment count.  Appreciate a single moment.  Cherish a whole lifetime.  Time is all you have.  Use the time to tell someone you miss them or you love them.  Use the time you have to walk through your garden and appreciate the miracles.  Treasure the time you have with a friend because it might be the last opportunity you may have.

I have wasted too much time unnecessarily.  Don’t make the mistakes I made.  If you have a split second to tell someone how much you care or love them, use it!  Tomorrow, things might change.  Time is a gift!  Time is a miracle!  Don’t let it slip away!


Heroes: Fact or Fiction?

Posted: February 20, 2017 in Current
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In the world of make believe, the movies always portray a world of heroes and villains.  They are dressed in fancy costumes and with powers from beyond this world.  Unfortunately, we do not stay in the land far, far away of fairy tales.

Do heroes exist in our reality? The short answer is simple:  There are definitely heroes in this not-so-distant world.  When we talk about heroes in our world, we most often talk about firefighters, paramedics, doctors and good Samaritans – more often than not putting their lives in danger without any hesitation to safe a stranger (or even an animal for that matter).

The dictionaries describe a hero/heroin (referred to as heroes from here on) as a person with special abilities, like in our make-believe era, or as someone noted for their courageous acts or nobility of character.  A hero/heroin can also be seen as a role model.

Yet, how often does one meet a hero.  They are few and far between, and more often than not, a person can believe that these heroes and heroines don’t exist.  And then…

When you look closer to home, you realize that heroes and villains are in constant battle in your daily life.  Mini movie productions on a daily basis where you are the main character.

In the motion picture of my life, I have realized that I am fortunate where heroes are not limited to the land, far, far away.  In my decades of my existence, more often than not I played the villain with dire consequences – some irreversible. And it is a burden I will carry as it is the price one pays for your actions.  Yet, somehow, I have been very fortunate where strangers became my heroes.

My life has been a rollercoaster ride of note, and you only grasp how much of a peak or dip you had, once you are through it.  I had the best times of my life and the worst.  At one point, I believed my life was over.

At a stage, where I believe might have been the lowest point in my life, did a stranger reach out to take my hand and lift me back to where I can stand.  This person does not wear a cape or have extra-terrestrial powers, but just harvested the power, I believe, we all have within ourselves.  This hero showed that it is possible to be ‘all heart’.

This person showed me that you do not have to be the size of Hercules to be branded a hero, as long as your heart and intentions are pure.  I will always be in debt, and I will always respect this individual for who they are.  My gratitude is a debt I will gladly pay over and over again on a daily basis.  Words cannot express how I feel.  It might even sound melodramatic, but I would most likely have lost my life if it wasn’t for this soul.

This person is now among very few people I truly cherish in my life.  This person now forms part of a handful of people that I know for a fact safe me on a daily basis.

Wale Ayeni said: “Be thankful for what you have. Your life, no matter how bad you think it is, is someone else’s fairytale.”

With these few selected people in my life, my fairytale is one I am proud to journey through.  I will make mistakes and at times, I will undoubtedly be villainous in my story, but I am at peace as I know I have heroes that can guide me and support me.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Being Single…

Posted: January 14, 2017 in Current
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Many would believe that being single is all fun and games… others believe there is either something wrong with you or you may be gay or lesbian… Yet very few people actually believe being single is as normal as being in a relationship.

Being single is not an easy way out where it is all partying up storms and having the time of your life!  It is just as hard as the efforts a person needs to put into a successful relationship.  The only support you have, is yourself.

More often than not, friendships perish because ‘it is an inconvenience to invite someone that is not married or have a partner’.  Sadly, it is a very familiar occurrence, yet when assistance or support is needed, people preferably contact their ‘single’ friends than their friends in relationships, because I think, for that brief moment of their weakened state of mind, they already know that single people will look after and support you as a friend – no questions asked, and they will not have to feel like the outcast in the crowd.

Thinking and believing that being single is  easy, cannot be further from the truth.  I cannot declare that I know all the reasons why some people stay single, but I know from my own experience, that it can be a single reason, or a multitude of reasons.  I will share with you some of my experiences and why I will probably always stay single.

Sometimes you get your heart broken so many times that you are not sure that what you have left, is enough to share with someone, with the chance that it can be broken again.  When you put everything you have in a relationship to make it work, and then later on all your efforts gets flushed down a toilet effortlessly, it breaks your motivation to try again.

Yet we often do try again and often we do succeed.  Some people have met their greatest treasures through the school of life and is destined to grow old together.  But like the hunt of a cheetah, so often than not, is the hunt unsuccessful.

It is even possible to have lost the greatest treasure in your life and you cannot attempt to chase a relationship if you have not forgiven yourself yet.  Forgiveness is not a quick and easy solution.  Sometimes it takes a lot more effort and time.

Of course it is also possible that you do not find what you are looking for.  Being realistic, you can still upkeep you standards and not forsake your standards just to be in a mere relationship to make others happy.  Why compromise your beliefs when you might still find that perfect one for you?

Why am I still single?

In my case, I can categorically state that I carry a lot of baggage (as we all have I suppose).  I have been blessed with the greatest partners in my past and they set the standards high, and I will always cherish them for that.  I have made mistakes and for some of my mistakes, I cannot forgive myself, and until I can, I will not allow someone to suffer because of me and the broken person I am.  I have been broken by lies and deceit and I am still mending the puzzle pieces of a shattered soul.  For this reason do I not easily allow people close to me.  That of course already burden a possible relationship and even friendships.

Have I ever thought that there is someone out there for me?   I have, but unfortunately because of the aforementioned, and because these people I truly believe are the greatest gifts in my life, I have pushed away in an attempt to avoid their disappointment in me.  I am not phased about the public eye and what they think of me, I am a mere stranger, but for these few people in my life, I will do my utmost best to support and ensure they have the best they possibly can.  Even if I sacrifice one happiness for the greater good.

Just as relationships need work and adjusting and compromise, don’t think for a moment that being single is any less hard work and sacrifices.  Sometimes you sacrifice the best you ever had, to ensure their happiness.

Just as single people respect people in relationships, isn’t it just fair not to forget your single friends and not throw them to the wolves and to just assume that they are worthless?

If we seek paradise outside ourselves, we cannot have paradise in our hearts. – Thomas Merton




Another year has come and passed.  During this year we experienced good and bad… In some cases people experienced good that outweighs the bad, but unfortunately with others it was the other way around.  Some of us end this year with less family and friends than we started this year with.  Life does not wait for anyone, and while you try to cope with one aspect, time is ticking on and you have to adapt and cope.  And I just have a dream…dragon-fly

I dream of great years,

but I will accept the good moments even if it lasts for seconds.

I dream of laughter,
even if I have to laugh at myself sometimes.

I dream of wealth,

even if it is in the form of moments with great company.

I dream of happiness,
even if it is for a stranger next to the road.

I dream of peace,
even if it is for the moments I can spend in a garden.

I dream of joy,
the kind I have seen in a good friend’s smile.

I dream of ideas,
that might never realize, but it is a goal.

I dream of riches,
those I have found in a few friendships.

I dream of forgiveness:
for the things I have done in my past that changed my life forever.

I dream of success:
in the passion I have in life and professional.

I dream of wisdom
that will reflect on my decisions and actions.

I dream of health
for my family and friends.

I dream of sight,

to see the opportunities that arises.

I dream of faith
in trusting my capabilities.

I dream of hope,
of what can be and what can be achieved.

I dream of love,
shared between people.

I dream of patience,
to listen and hear; to watch and see; to live and experience.

I dream of a day where some of this can come true.  I am a dreamer.  It is in my nature, but it makes me who I am.  Some dreams are just too far to reach now, but for now, I will dream about tomorrow as my past has been written in stone already.

Image  —  Posted: January 1, 2017 in Current

ProteaSome of us like summer, while other prefer winter.  Some love the the newly-sprouted in the early spring; others love the summer rains; others love the snowtop mountains; and other love the autumn-orange of fallen leaves.

But there is a purpose to the different seasons.  Veld fires caused by lightning during the summer rains create space for new life.  Decaying leaves from autumn replenish the soil with nutrients and act as compost. And with every passing season, we learn something new.  Never a dull moment in the school of life!

Friendships are very much the same.  You are more fond of some than others.  Some scorch you.  Some will leech onto you like a parasite.  Others pick you up and stand by you.  Some friends act as leaves and others act as the tree itself.  Many shapes and sizes; many reasons; many possibilities. All happens for a reason.  Some friendships will be with you every step of the way.  They will photosynthesize and be the air you breathe.  Some will cast a shade over you to protect you from the elements.  Some will whsisper inspiration into your ears as the wind rustles through their branches.  Some will cushion your steps as you slowly take careful steps into your future.
Even lost friendships that has past, will have left a lasting impression.  A parasite will have left scare-tissue, but it would’ve made you stronger. Fallen leaves would have had an input in your growth.  A standing tree will be there to support you when you wanted to lie down.  Some will blossom and you will admire the beauty and their charismatic aroma.

As seasons pass, you will have lost many; but gained as well.  Sometimes you would’ve lost the best.  And yes! Sometimes you will find an irreplacable treasure.  But I think it is important to realize that as much as these people are important in your life, you need to be a postive input in their life as well.

Let luscious grass grow underneath your treetop for when your friend needs to lay their head down and let the tree top spread wide over them to protect them from the harsh sun and heavy hail and winds; Be the tree they can lean on when they are tired;  Let your autumn leaves gentle cover the soil and replace nurtients and minerals.  Photosynthesize good quality fresh air for your friend to be able to breathe when panic surrounds them.

The saying goes: “good friends are hard to find” and “the best things in life a free”.  So realize the wealth you have in your friends. Love them for who they are and what they mean to you.

Friendships… A term widely used and often misunderstood. While some friendships are not destined to last, others transform into something better and greater. Some friendships even carry the same weight as family.

The unfortunate truth is that some friendships fade away… Not necessarily because of wrongdoing from a specific party… It just happens. Distance between people grow wider and at the end, it ends up as memories. Others end purely because it was build on fake ideals and empty promises. Some diminish by choice, while others wilt away unnoticed. It is facts that some of these friendships leave an empty space within you as they perish, whilst others don’t affect you as much.

But all is not lost. Some friendships do survive and not only survive but even flourish! Some friendships become a bond that cannot be broken. These friendships are built on trust, truth and mutual respect. Some become so much more.

If there is a friendship you believe is worth fighting for, do it. But if you fail to keep it, acknowledge its value and accept the outcome. Sometimes friendships appear from the most unsuspecting places and between people you never thought possible.

In my life, I have found great friendships and lost just as many. Some great and some… not as great. Some by choice, and some lost even after I fought long and hard battles to keep. However, the ones I have now, I appreciate. A few of them, I cherish as if it is the last miracle on earth.