Posts Tagged ‘Negativity’

Giving Up

Posted: May 25, 2010 in Current

I haven’t blogged for a few weeks now as I had quite a lot of deadlines to meet and a lot of things to sort out.  So I planned to blog tonight.  And as I committed to write something decent, all my emotions were thrown off guard.  The only words that come to mind is ‘I gave you everything I have, but you took my life away’.  As you can imagine, this depressed feeling drowned the entries I want to write on this blog.

A lady recently said to me “Make yourself happy and watch happiness bloom around you”.  It was something I wanted to try.  The words were so inspiring.  My motivation levels dropped drastically.  Everything in my life crashed tonight.  I had to make a decision tonight that kills my soul.  My heart battle to force the blood through my veins.  I know this decision will haunt me for a very long time.  It is one of those decisions that you know will hurt you; one of those decisions that you know in your heart is not the correct one for you; it is one of those decisions that you know for certain is better for the people you love.



Posted: August 1, 2005 in Prior to 2006

I am thinking of ending everything for good.  I am trying to keep it together, but I am slipping; I am slipping fast.  I do not have the energy to struggle against it anymore.

Where smiling was a warm feeling for me, now is nothing more than pretence.  Things that was always pushing and shoving, now is pounding and crushing.

Will I have enough guts one day?  I know it is wrong, but maybe I will be forgiven when the reason is understood.  I cannot go on like this.  I cannot keep on faking life; I cannot pretend to be something I am no more… I just can’t.

Things I have been thinking will damn me forever.  It is getting to a point where I don’t really care no more.  In my life I met great people – probably the best ever.  But, why disappoint them as I did my family and friends?  I am tired of disappointments.  I am tired of failing.  Why pull someone down when you going under?  Why waste their energy?  Why see the fear in their eyes when they look at you as you go under?  Why make them cry?

I am tired of failing friends.

I am tired of failing family.

I am tired of failing love.

I am tired of failing life.

I am exhausted, I truly am!

Part From Here

Posted: July 1, 2004 in Prior to 2006

I wanted to part from this piece of yard… tonight I ask myself what will be different on the flip side.  I meet people; they get close; they part; then I am where I am now.  Argh, I just need a break from this!  I just want a holiday with someone where I can be myself and smile for real.

With that, I ponder if I must stop looking for love; be a bachelor, since I always fail with relationships.  End up being a bachelor.

I don’t know; I really don’t know.