Hotel Obscurité, Room 2017

Posted: December 31, 2017 in Current

Every day, we face different challenges and obstacles, and the year 2017 did not disappoint in this regards. Every day we experience the good, the bad and the ugly of mankind.  This can range from disrespecting another person or person’s property because of your aggressive and selfish nature to seeing how a person can put their wellbeing aside for a being as small as a fingertip.  Unfortunately, the bad in people tend to rise whilst the best in people are oppressed, maybe out of fear.  The streets are filled with these creatures.

But, at the end of the day, I leave the streets and enter Hotel Obscurité, through the lobby, into the escalator that always plays the music I love.  When the doors open on the floor where my hotel room is, I am greeted by peace and quiet where I can calmly walk to my door without the rush of outside.

As I enter my hotel room and I slump down on the bed, and close my eyes, I try to forget the ugly that the day brought forth, and try to imagine a place where the call of whales and the gentle breeze of nature massaging my senses.

In 2017, the school of life made me realize a few things:

  • I can tolerate being disappointed by close friends or family, but I find it harder to handle if I disappoint the people I truly cherish in life.
  • Being blood does not make you family or give you the surety that family members will respect you or your property.  And the same goes for friends.
  • Friendships that lasted over years don’t necessarily mean they are your best.  People grow apart.  People change.
  • Long lost friendships are sometimes worth to find again.
  • Sometimes, loving someone so much that you will sacrifice your own happiness for theirs, are NOT easy, yet seeing how they are happy, makes it all worthwhile.

Hotel Obscurité is my safe haven.  It is the place I don’t have explain or to pretend.  It is the place where I can remove the mask and be myself.  The place I can just be me.  Between these four walls, I find solace in the darkness that surrounds me.  Just like crying in the rain, the hotel hides a heart filled with sorrow.  No questions… no explanations.  The darkness hides the shadows and silhouettes of the past.

Staying at Hotel Obscurité does come at a cost….  Sometimes protecting the people you love and cherish by your actions, you often lose that friendship/relationship and distance grows slowly to a point where you become strangers.  The hardest part is that I can still remember every single name and face of the ones that took a little bit of me.  Saying I am not a whole being, is an understatement.  Lots of my past chipped away and slowly took more and more of me.

Hiding in the shadows of the hotel room, is where no-one can see the scars.  In this hotel room, the monster is unknown to others.  In this hotel room, I can replay the good memories to the sounds of nature.  The past is what made me who I am today – good and bad, but I can be honest about it.




What Have Become Of Us

Posted: July 18, 2017 in Current

Lately, I have found myself becoming anti-social for numerous reasons.  I try not to rant and rave about these reasons on this medium, but sometimes people just push the right buttons.  I am talking about deceit, judgmental mentalities, assumptions, manipulation, disrespect and the general lack of moral values.

I have been lied to and being manipulated to force an issue so many times.  And I allowed it because I always believed people are better than what they are, it seems.  This is frustrating because more often than not, they base their decisions on their perceptions.  This drives me up the wall and makes me lose faith in mankind!  There are good and pure out there though!

I follow a few blogs, I read some of the posts that intrigue me, and then, there are writers where I almost read every post they post – purely because of their approach, their content and because you can feel (and often relate) to the emotion in what they put to paper.

Recently, I have found a blogger that I follow and read almost every post this person writes.  This writer writes fantastic posts, based on her life experiences.  One of her posts she writes about a disorder often forced upon society by marketing houses.   She defeated and overcame this disorder and has become a beautiful individual – inside and out.  During her time battling with the disorder, I can guarantee she got judged by many.  Now, after she is not a victim but a survivor, she gets judged because she didn’t tip the scale to the other side.  The typical “damned if you do; damned if you don’t” scenario!

How can a human being define you based on your race, gender, weight, language, religion or nationality? Being a Muslim does not make you a racist, just as much as speaking Afrikaans does not make you an oppressor!  Being white does not make you a racist or being black doesn’t make you a thug!

We are so focussed to label people that we have lost touch of compassion towards one another.  We are too focussed on our perceptions and opinions than to try and understand their point of view or believes.  But where does that leave people of pure heart and good intentions?  Is there a place at all in society for people like that?  Even being pure and innocent is now questioned by society with “What is wrong with you?”!

By reading this blogger’s posts I have realised why I become more anti-social and more attached to animals.  There are the gems out there, that shaped and formed to become who they are today, despite (and maybe because of) the pressures on them in the past, but these gems are very, very rare.

At the end, I realised that we, as the so-called “superior” species, have regressed into a despicable monster that thrives like a parasite on the goodness of others just to feel better about ourselves, whilst animals and the few gems constantly adapt to merely survive from day to day, appreciating what every day has to offer.


Posted: July 15, 2017 in Current
Tags: , ,

The unspoken words…

From a young age, we learn words and their meanings.  We are taught proper pronunciation and effective use of words, and the importance of communication in every aspect in life on a daily basis.  Words are the building blocks of expression, the peacemakers or the declaration of war, and collectively single words start forming sentences and paragraphs.  Yet, here I struggle to find the correct words, sentences, paragraphs to make a single statement.  I know what I feel and I know what I want to say, but I am tongue-tied and barely stutter a single noun at a time. I find myself repeating the same message, yet it feels like I did not express it correctly.

Why is it so difficult?  Is it because I know the words cannot relief pain or stress?  Is it because words might not seem sincere enough?  Perhaps the words don’t justify my intentions.  All I know is what filled my brain, got stuck in my throat.

And what if ‘it comes out wrong’?  What if it is misinterpreted?  What if my words fail and fill you with disappointment?  Yet, silence unfortunately communicate as well.  And often, it can convey the total opposite.  So, here I find myself in a dilemma where I have so much to say, but in fear that it will add to your burden, I keep silent.

The screaming silence…

Full Moon

Unnoticed, trying to light up the journey

At night, like the moon, I watch over you from a distance, caring and trying to eliminate any shadow that might be cast in your path.  Illuminate as much as possible for you to know I am near; to know I care; to know that you do not need to ask, I will be there – always and forever.  During the day, like the sun to give you warmth; to have the golden light reflect from nature’s beauty to fill your eyes with serenity and happiness.  This never-ending cycle is the easiest to explain it. Time is irrelevant because day or night, I will be there for you.

Whenever you feel it gets too much, I am present and close-by.  When you wish to vent or need someone just to know you are not alone, I am there.  When you need a listening ear to try and get your mind off every day hassles, you will have my undivided attention. and whenever you smile, that magic will be a lasting memory.  Your happiness will relfect the moon bigger and brighter and the sun brighter than ever before. Date or time is irrelevant.  Size or subject does not matter.  I am a decision away.

If you want to scream till your voice fade, or need a shoulder as support just to remind you that are and never will be alone, you never need to look far.  There are many sayings about words, but one that comes to mind is the famous quote: “Actions speaks louder than words”.  And as my words fail to express, may my actions and intentions be my unspoken, timeless oath to you.



My Promise…

Posted: July 11, 2017 in BloggingHoliX, Current
Tags: ,

Life is full of surprises: sometimes good surprises; and then surprises you wish you never had.  My life is filled with them; good and bad; but for the last few years I have realised that the good surprises unequivocally supercede the bad.  And this is where I begin…

It is not a fairytale and it is not a myth.

It is a simple truth.

A blessing in more ways than one

and when you find such a gem,

what do you do?

You allow it to shine;

you allow it to be the best they can be.


This is my promise to you.

Waves may be crashing around you

and bashing you from side to side;

and while I have no powers to calm the waters,

I will be by your side

every single breath you take.

Every time you think you are all alone

in this mass of endless ocean,

I will be a whisper away,

reminded you of this promise I make to you.

You are stronger than you think;

You are greater than you believe;

You are more important than you can imagine.


A pearl of purity

pump through your veins

making you an island of grace

more often than not

saving me from myself

You will not falter

you will not fail

because wherever you direct your eyes

I will be there for you

no empty promise

no compromise

no strings attached

a simple promise I make to you

to keep close to your heart

and always remember

that no matter how hard this journey is

I will be there for you


So often we ask ourselves what life is all about or what your purpose in life is.  To say life is complicated, will be an understatement.  Life is NOT predictable!  Life often confuses us because we do not understand something.  Life is puzzling at times; often pushing us to the limits (or it feels that way).  Yet, we continue…

They define a puzzle as a problem designed in the form of a toy or game to test ingenuity or knowledge.  And life, my dear friend, is nothing less than a puzzle.  Your life is an evolving jigsaw puzzle.

Now, a jigsaw puzzle is described as a tiling puzzle that you need to assemble by putting together multiple ‘oddly-shaped’ interlocking and tessellating pieces.  Each piece contains a small part of a picture on it and all of them assembled produces a complete picture.

A jigsaw puzzle can even be 2D or even 3D.  It can be 100 pieces or 15000 pieces.  A jigsaw puzzle can be any shape or size.  The subject of the jigsaw puzzle is only limited to your imagination.

Isn’t life exactly that?  Little bits and pieces in time we juggle around to fit snuggly together.  We cannot predict how long it will take us to complete this evolutionary jigsaw and we cannot control the process completely.

Some people may attempt to finish the edges off first and then work their way inwards, whilst others may start in the middle.  Some may even complete little clusters of detail and fill in the minor details afterwards.  Irrespective of which route you take, none of them are wrong, and the result will still be the same – a complete picture.

Think back at the last time you sat down and worked on a puzzle.  How many times did you take a piece and rotate it repeatedly with the hope that it fits?  Other times, by luck, you picked the right piece and it fit immediately; sometimes you put the correct piece aside because you didn’t rotate the piece correctly.

The more I think about it, the more I believe life really is an evolving, 3D, million-piece jigsaw puzzle.  Sometimes you think the right person/situation came along and fit ‘just there’, just to be reminded with a broken heart and scars that it is not the case.  Other times the opposite is possible too where you push away a great person you love and cherish, but because of their importance, you put it aside as you do not want to take that slim chance that you are wrong.

Either way, life is a puzzle in progress.

From my experience, I know I have lost great opportunities because I would rather be hurting than to disappoint someone a care about.  But all is not gloomy!  As the one piece is placed, it created a space for new developments.  A prime example is because if the ‘bad’ didn’t happen, I would not have had the opportunity to experience the great people in my life.  This range from my current employment to people in my life.  Every person; every circumstance; every memory.  It all forms part of your unique jigsaw puzzle.

You were given the puzzle pieces which can vary and you were given time – an underrated, priceless commodity!  At the end, what you do with these pieces and your will to try and try again, will ultimately define your puzzle.

Will you sit with a completed jigsaw puzzle, or will you end up with a heap of unused puzzle pieces and empty holes in your puzzle?

We need to realise that life is a puzzle assembled piece by piece and that every experience, person and memory forms part of the puzzle whether we like it or not.  It all forms part of the complete puzzle: the bigger picture.

Whether it is lost friendships; gained relationships, loving someone wholehearted and yet, they will never know, or being on the other side of the coin of wondering; all forms part of your puzzle.  At times, you might wonder if you force a puzzle piece in a slot because you want it there, what the repercussions may be.  A single puzzle piece has multiple sides and forcing it to try and fit where it should not be, will exponentially affect your puzzle.

Our puzzles might be unique, but we all have received a time as a measure.  A second is a second is a second; no matter where in the world or in which century you live.  But appreciate each piece in your life.  Cherish the cornerstones of your existence.  Invest in the time commodity as the dividends will pay off when you complete and showcase your jigsaw puzzle.

What will yours look like at the end? Will it be of such importance that others will showcase it long after you are gone?

The night is dark.  Barely any light break through the towering tree tops that create faint silhouettes, but as soon as they appear, are they absorbed in the thick mist covering the forest floor.  A grey, lifeless canvas is all that is left.  The path forward is uncertain, but turning around is not an option.

This is where my thoughts lead me the last while.  The eerie shadows of mistakes from the past.  It is easy to say not to live with regrets, and I understand the thought process behind it.

But ‘What if…’

What if you could time-travel back in time to avoid making a mistake?  How far would you go back?  Would you go back, knowing that it will change your whole future, and erase good memories made after the mistake you wish to fix?

Friends gave me their input, based on their current mindset and circumstances.  Interesting enough, it ranges from friends wishing not to change anything, to friends having specific times in their lives.  This made me realise that we all have a struggle of our own.

The struggle is real.

When I asked myself this question, I would probably try to go back for more than a decade.  Maybe even further back, however, it is more complicated than that.  If I time-travelled to all these years ago, there is no doubt my life would’ve been totally different.  But as we all know, there are consequences to our actions.  If you changed the history affecting your life, you will change your path forward.  If I changed the course of my life, I would’ve gained in certain aspects, but lost in other aspects.

My character would’ve been slightly different as certain experiences help you grow in life, and some things you can only learn from experience.  And let’s be honest, at times we are too proud to learn from other’s mistakes or ask a helping hand.

Unfortunately, one cannot time-travel, and the consequences of our decisions and actions of our past will have changed our lives inevitably.  Our decisions would’ve cost us friends, and gained new ones.  Our professional careers might have been different, or our direction of studies might have been different.

My mistakes have cost me more than what I would admit to, but saying it was only losses would be a lie.  I have gained a lot as well.  I have met new people.  I have met great people BECAUSE I have made the mistakes in the past.

Mistakes come with a cost.  Gaining all I have as a consequence of my mistakes, also came at a price.

Now, imagine the warm smile on someone’s face when they are happy.  Imagine the friendly wrinkles around their eyes when they are content.  Imagine the air filled with the laughter and warmth of their beating heart.  Imagine their comforting voice as they speak.  Imagine that racing heartbeat when you just think of them.  Imagine the excitement of having them in your life.  Imagine how you wish to be there as support them when things go wrong – even if is just a shoulder to lean on or a listening ear.  To know they can rely and depend on you.  Imagine getting good news and talking to them trump the feeling of the good news.

Then imagine…

Then imagine pushing them away because you do not wish to hurt them; you wish not to disappoint them; you wish to keep them safe from your demons.  You watch from afar because you care too deeply and you sacrifice possibly one of your few chances of happiness all to see them happy.  Imagine this burden bearable because you believe they are worth every moment.

We all battle our demons daily.  And with some battles we are victorious and others we have casualties.  The scar tissue remains as the reminder of battles won and lost. It is easy to say not to live with regret, but some say it is not regretting, just lessons learned.  At the end, it boils down to your decision on how you wish to balance it because every single moment of our life, is about choices and that begins a new vicious circle of consequences all over again.

As we meander through our unique ominous wilderness, we know we are not the first or the last to take this journey, yet we feel alone.  The burden adds weights to our feet and at times it feels as if our backs are snapped backwards.  At the end, we all yearn for that ray of sunshine, even if just for a split second.  It gives us hope and we push forward.

The journey continues…