Posts Tagged ‘Feelings’

Being Single…

Posted: January 14, 2017 in Current
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Many would believe that being single is all fun and games… others believe there is either something wrong with you or you may be gay or lesbian… Yet very few people actually believe being single is as normal as being in a relationship.

Being single is not an easy way out where it is all partying up storms and having the time of your life!  It is just as hard as the efforts a person needs to put into a successful relationship.  The only support you have, is yourself.

More often than not, friendships perish because ‘it is an inconvenience to invite someone that is not married or have a partner’.  Sadly, it is a very familiar occurrence, yet when assistance or support is needed, people preferably contact their ‘single’ friends than their friends in relationships, because I think, for that brief moment of their weakened state of mind, they already know that single people will look after and support you as a friend – no questions asked, and they will not have to feel like the outcast in the crowd.

Thinking and believing that being single is  easy, cannot be further from the truth.  I cannot declare that I know all the reasons why some people stay single, but I know from my own experience, that it can be a single reason, or a multitude of reasons.  I will share with you some of my experiences and why I will probably always stay single.

Sometimes you get your heart broken so many times that you are not sure that what you have left, is enough to share with someone, with the chance that it can be broken again.  When you put everything you have in a relationship to make it work, and then later on all your efforts gets flushed down a toilet effortlessly, it breaks your motivation to try again.

Yet we often do try again and often we do succeed.  Some people have met their greatest treasures through the school of life and is destined to grow old together.  But like the hunt of a cheetah, so often than not, is the hunt unsuccessful.

It is even possible to have lost the greatest treasure in your life and you cannot attempt to chase a relationship if you have not forgiven yourself yet.  Forgiveness is not a quick and easy solution.  Sometimes it takes a lot more effort and time.

Of course it is also possible that you do not find what you are looking for.  Being realistic, you can still upkeep you standards and not forsake your standards just to be in a mere relationship to make others happy.  Why compromise your beliefs when you might still find that perfect one for you?

Why am I still single?

In my case, I can categorically state that I carry a lot of baggage (as we all have I suppose).  I have been blessed with the greatest partners in my past and they set the standards high, and I will always cherish them for that.  I have made mistakes and for some of my mistakes, I cannot forgive myself, and until I can, I will not allow someone to suffer because of me and the broken person I am.  I have been broken by lies and deceit and I am still mending the puzzle pieces of a shattered soul.  For this reason do I not easily allow people close to me.  That of course already burden a possible relationship and even friendships.

Have I ever thought that there is someone out there for me?   I have, but unfortunately because of the aforementioned, and because these people I truly believe are the greatest gifts in my life, I have pushed away in an attempt to avoid their disappointment in me.  I am not phased about the public eye and what they think of me, I am a mere stranger, but for these few people in my life, I will do my utmost best to support and ensure they have the best they possibly can.  Even if I sacrifice one happiness for the greater good.

Just as relationships need work and adjusting and compromise, don’t think for a moment that being single is any less hard work and sacrifices.  Sometimes you sacrifice the best you ever had, to ensure their happiness.

Just as single people respect people in relationships, isn’t it just fair not to forget your single friends and not throw them to the wolves and to just assume that they are worthless?

If we seek paradise outside ourselves, we cannot have paradise in our hearts. – Thomas Merton





There are many forms of communication, but communication can simply be defined as the action of transmitting or the exchange of information. That is the unsophisticated definition of it, yet it is greater than most of us realise. Communication is a vital part of any living creature’s existence. Even in business is good communication of utmost importance: Negotiations to transact for a typical Demand and Supply business partnership.

For thousands of years, people found ways to communicate, whether it was the people in Ancient China. the Greeks or the Indians with smoke signals, or Morse code via telegraph. Going back to a few million years ago, we can look at the animal kingdom and their survival, which is still clear today with the likes of the songs of the Humpback Whale – a song that can call the group together for festivities for the hunt, or use a song to use as sonar to navigate itself. This all is the basic principles of communication. Even in our technologically advanced era, our gadgets and gizmos still rely on a two-way communication stream of ones and zeros to make any system work. It is evident that no matter how much we evolve, but communication, and the importance thereof, can’t be undermined or underestimated.

How do you tell someone: “I love you”, “I miss you”, “I respect and appreciate you” or even “I forgive you”? There are over 6500 spoken languages in the world and this statistic excludes sign language and even body language, yet we cannot express simple things like these! When last did you make an effort to say “Thank you” to someone who made a great impact in your life? Ever wondered what how much a few words can mean to someone?

In the past, I avoided this thing called “communication” as I feared the outcome. I waited too long. I obstructed a healthy channel of communication. The lack of communication was my downfall with multiple relationships and friendships. My life stagnated at a place where I did not find myself happy.I was in luck! A handful of people did not stop trying. They were persistent, and they penetrated my heart. They integrated with my soul. They kept on ramming, slowly crushing the walls around me. They opened my eyes and I could see what I pushed away and what I was missing out on. My heart became susceptible to correspond on a deeper level. I opened up to the people close to me; I started to speak my mind. This transition jaded a few friendships as people wasn’t sure how to handle the “unmasked” me.

Love is the seedling for many things: respect, caring and forgiveness, but to name a few. According to many, love is a universal language, but are we too scared to carry that message across? Are we placing a censorship on our true feelings and deepest emotions, because we fear rejection, or are we not conversing our feelings because we think it makes us weak and are judged as weaklings?

My heart is the communication device that guides me. It is constantly conversing with my mind and my soul. The message… to love unconditionally; to care so deeply for someone; to support someone when in need and to be by someone’s side when they need someone to lean on.

My eyes capture your beauty, while your smell intoxicates my lungs with sweet aromas, and your gentle touch stroke my heart to skip a beat or two, while your presence infuse optimism. This dialogue of admiration, support, care and all those unnoticed things we always take for granted, are all dialects of the unspoken language.

How do you say “I miss you”…
How do you say “I care about you”…
How do you say “Thank you”…
How do you say “I love you”…
How do you ask “Forgive me”…

We always say “Don’t judge a book by its cover”, yet we are not bothers to focus on the contents.  We rather focus on the outside, assuming we will know what all the content entails.  A title of a book, cannot tell a story; the tone of someone’s voice cannot carry a message across. Stop wasting energy in judging people.  use that energy to read the story page by page, chapter by chapter.

Truth must be our voice; sincerity must be our body language and the message… pure. Whether you say “I care deeply for you”, “I love you” or “I miss you”, it must be the precious mineral you mined from your deepest. Use everything to your disposal. Make the special people in your life aware of your feelings, and use your mother tongue, your body, you heart and your actions to ensure there is no misunderstanding. “Walk the talk!” as the saying goes. Do not lose out in life!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.