The Haunted Forest

Posted: February 3, 2014 in Current

There are many proverbs and sayings about almost everything in life… yet, many of them are pretty contradictory of each other. One example is “Out of sight… out of mind” versus “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Then I realised that the one that carries the most weight and the one that speaks the most truth to YOU, are all dependant on your state of mind. So which one ‘speaks’ to you and reach your soul? It all depends on how you interpret it.

I find myself in a forest… haunted by unnatural silence. The only companion is my mind, which doesn’t really help much as it is full of trickery and questions. I wonder how I have reached the middle of this forest, and notice that I was alone, then I realized that I wasn’t alone coming here. I have reached this point accompanied by someone and truth. And then hits me hard. I am lost!

Questions fills my mind quickly. Did I follow the right path? Did I walk too slow? Did I walk too fast? How could I lose focus? How did I lose my footing and fall? How did I lose focus? How could I fail and disappoint someone I love? How did I allow myself to let a perfect love to slip out of my hands?

You finally understand how much one person could mean to you as you lose that person – whether to death, or just when they decide to give up on you. You appreciate the part he /she plays in your daily life – every moment and with every decision.

“Out of sight, out of mind”? To others this would be the case. Giving up on someone and to move on. Hiding what was in a faraway place – preferably not to be found. It is the nature of the beast. However, no matter how hard I try, I do not succeed.

“Rather the devil you know, than the devil you don’t”! I have tried, to pretend that I have never met you, but I failed. I have tried to ask questions to clarify some doubts, and I declare my innermost feelings and desires, but they are avoided as if they are the plague. Maybe these questions are avoided because people are scared they will hurt me, or whatever the reasoning behind it may be, but not knowing kills me! I make a fool out of myself and pledge my love to a deaf ear, and yet, I wonder mostly if that was not the weakness in the bridge I tried to cross.

Lies are not just deceitful words, it can be unspoken truths as well. I have been asked many questions of late, but purely because my answer was not what you expected, or been what you got from others, did not for a moment mean I was lying to you. Maybe my truth is just what it is…. Simplistic, and seen from my eyes. Truth can hurt, I know, but sometimes truth is just what it is, truth! Nothing more and nothing less! Reasons for being written off, can eat a person. Not knowing why, hurts just as much if not more.

Not saying what I feel, would be a lie. Truth is uncomplicated. I love you unconditionally! I miss you! I respect you! I really care about you! All that is simple truths – no sugar-coating and no extras. To you, I might be “out of mind”, but to me, you are the part my “heart grows fonder” of.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Walking this lonely path, truth was revealed to me. I miss you; I love you; I feel empty without you. Denying my heart what it feels will be cruel. So even if I have to live with this heartache, to comprehend how much I love you, so be it.

"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever."
Alfred Tennyson

Every day, I still think of you. I think of the wrongs I did. I remember the great times I experienced. Should I let it go? Should I stop fighting for what I believe is right? Should I admit defeat to pain, when I know such a love exist? Should I give up on you like you gave up on me? I have many flaws, but to give up on someone so special like you will be mere stupidity; an act of a fool!

All the unanswered and the multiple variables float in my mind, congesting my thoughts… eating me alive. The unnatural silence of this forest is nerve wrecking. All I have is the pounding of my bleeding heart and my irregular breathing. Should I wait… hoping. Or should I wander on?

Do I regret falling in love with you?  Do I regret loving you with all my heart?  Do I wish it all away?  No on all three counts. I was told that love is (but not limited to) understanding, communication, forgiveness, respect and truth.  I ask questions because I respect your opinions.  I ask questions because I want to communicate.  I ask forgiveness because I know I am not perfect. Truth is not always what the majority tell you.  Sometimes it takes ONE person to see You shut me out and avoid everything that is important, and it makes me wonder… Was this all just a figment of my imagination?  Did I daydream?   Did my wishes cast silhouettes in front of my eyes that I have mistaken my perfect dreams as reality.

I want to fight for what we have.  I don’t want to give up.  I miss your eyes and the connection we had.  I miss your smile.  I miss your touch and your smell.  I miss your beauty. I miss you.  Was this one-sided? Give me a sign or just a glimpse of what you think or feel.  If I have to wait, I will.  If you wrote me off completely, just tell me why?  It is all I ask.

I do not own any of the copyright to this song or lyrics
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

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