The fallen stronghold

Posted: April 13, 2012 in Current
Tags: , , ,

My mind suddenly becomes aware of the silence that fills my surroundings.  My feelings are energetic, forcing my heart rate to exhilarate.  My senses intoxicated by adrenaline as my thoughts are pursued by your presence; similar to a lioness that stalks her pray.

It is not the hunting ritual, but the uncontrollable urge that you create. Your eyes are the clear, blue skies above; your soft skin is the gentle clouds; your voice is the calm breeze that brings the aroma of raindrops and blossoming flowers; the unrivalled beauty of an African sunrise!  All this combined, pounces on you without any warning. Just like a lightning strike, you cannot prepare for it that specific moment when it happens – it leaves you nervous yet excited to experience such authority.

Here I stand in the open field with no shelter from you – powerless yet thrilled.  I cannot describe the feeling that you stir in my mind.  You make me feel like a boy with his favourite Hotwheels™ or like a teen after his first kiss; leaving one sleepless, anxiously waiting for the next time!

With you, I will not break down the walls around my heart.  I have invited you in and the walls will keep you there, safe! Within my heart, there is no pretence, no masks, and no lies.  You will only hear the whisper of my soul, my mind, my heart, my purest self.

However, being in the deepest of my soul, you gained the power to destroy me.  Like a viral infection, you can devour me from within.  The trust I put in you, awaken a terrifying feeling that I have no defence mechanism against you, yet hoping that it will not happen.  Wishing that it’s only my mind playing tricks on me.  Questions arise on how sincere your intentions and spoken words are.

Have I made the mistake and allowed a Trojan horse to penetrate my defences?  Have I been a naïve youngling straying away from the herd, falling prey to a ferocious predator? Or… have I opened up to sincerity?  Did I expose my core to your inner pure energy that you mirror on the outside?

The uncertainty is unsettling.  One moment it feels like you will crush me; the next moment you lift me to above all great expectations.  When will the lightning strike?  Will I be safe?

Should I regret allowing you to get so close to me?  Should these things be so complicated?  In the past, I thought that many people make things a lot more complicated than what it should be, but I wonder if there is a way to simplify all this.

I know that I have a destiny, going from point A to point B and that is the simple part, however, I know that my journey will have many crossroads, potholes and the daily wear and tear of living.  The travelling will have its scenic routes and its breakdowns. Will I have you next to me, to experience it with me; navigate me?  Alternatively, are you just an ordinary hitchhiker that will get on and off as you feel the need for it?

I have reached a point where I wish I knew the answer to this.

Here I stand in the open plateau, looking into the distance, eager to see a rainbow, exposing myself to the danger of being hunted. The beauty of a rainbow stuns me, and I am neglecting the dangers around.  Hiding in the woods will prevent me from seeing the rainbow, and other dangers will reveal themselves.  It is my decision to choose my path to lead me to my destination.  This is where I should decide: Do I say farewell to the rainbow and fade into the shadows, or will I admire the rainbow for long as I can?


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