What Have I Become?

Posted: May 25, 2010 in Current

The last few days ago a friend told me that I am hard towards them.  It was a surprise to hear that. Later on, I was told that I am rude to them when other people are around.  I am listening to Skillet – Monster and those lyrics can summarise what I have become.  I have a monster inside of me, only skin deep – fighting to get out.

I have never thought I have belittled this friend or being rude to them in front of people.  But it seems I have gone blind and not see these things.  It brought me to the decision making thing again and it is not easy.  I know I love this friend I care for them a great deal, but if I disparage them and be rude to them, maybe I need to end this friendship that this friend won’t have to sit with this nonsense.

It is one of those decisions: it is no right or wrong decision – it is a decision that is ‘more’ right than the other.

The last few days have been hard.  I have tried to be positive, and up to an extent did I get it right, but I think it was more of a ‘make-believe’ where I fooled myself.  To say I am mentally drained, is an understatement. I am crushed; I am empty inside; and I will even admit, but I am afraid.

I am drowning… Breaking Benjamin – Hopeless


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