Thought…Into Action… Into Darkness

Posted: May 25, 2010 in Current
Tags: ,

I am going to tell a little short story, and some of you might understand what I was trying to say… but I think the most of you reading this won’t have a clue.  Don’t worry if you don’t, because you can just read it as a very,VERY short story.

I was always one of those that took strolls on the beach admiring the oceans from afar. Then I decided to make an effort to experience such beauty from closer.  Calmly, I sit on a beach and stare out upon the seas. I have decided.  I am going to become a skipper.  I am not just going to acknowledge the magnificence from a safe distance.  I am excited as a new expedition begins.  I readied my little symmetrical 4-chambered vessel and set sails.  Me and my crew members know what is required of us.  The navigator took all the necessary coordinates and plotted our course.

The adventure begins…

The blue oceans’ water was clear.  The tranquil waves were an unseen masseuse. The crisp air was rejuvenating. From above, I saw dolphins play in their unique playing field. In the distance, whales were building water castles with their spray and splashed around every once in a while.  Looking a little deeper, you notice the phenomenal beauty of the coral reefs. A whole new universe… in reach, but you have to make the effort.

I have seen this entire new world, and I am in awe.

In the distance, I saw something I didn’t expect.  A storm is brewing and increasing in strength with every single moment, but I could not take my focus off the things I see within the oceans.  I opened my heart to you… I told you what was inside of me.  I have made myself vulnerable and placed myself at your mercy.  You took every word I have said with all my heart and washed it away in a fraction of a second.  You listened to my voice, but you did not hear a single word I was saying.  You did not hear my outcry for your acceptance.

Then…

As I looked up, I saw that the storm is upon us.  There is no time to change course to avoid the raging storm and no time to prepare ourselves for it.  Lightning bolts penetrated the sea’s surface.  Deafening thunder that makes the strongest shudder.  The waves became powerful walls crushing every attempt to move forward.

Then everything became quiet.

The storm is over, but my vessel took in too much water and I am sinking.  Slowly I notice how the windows are divided in half as the ocean devours my fragile four-chambered vessel.  Above the dividing line is gloom, murky silhouettes and chaos.  Below the line you see a quiet, pitch black wall of darkness.

“Abandon ship!’ I thought.  Or drown for certain.

In the distance, through the mist, I saw the glimpse profile of land.  I started swimming towards it.  As I get closer I hear the waves mercilessly crashing into the rocks. Eventually I reached the shoreline.  My feet unsteady and aching.  My heart pounding.  But at least I am on land again.

This ocean made a fool out of me.  It consumed me. It broke my inner self.  It devastated my dreams.  It made it clear that I was not welcome there.

As I look onto the sea again, I still have the urge to go into it; go sail on it, but I now know that the oceans are not ready for me.

“Fluit fluit, my storie is uit”.  As I mentioned before, some of you will not understand what I tried to say there, and some might even have an idea.   You more than welcome to question or comment on any of this.  I will not be offended.

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