Negativity

Posted: May 25, 2010 in Current

Against my better judgement, did I allow ‎someone to get close to me; penetrate my soul; tickle the electrons in my brain. I ‎allowed this, even when I knew I am setting myself up for a fall.‎

I have experience a few weeks of a ‘high-on-life’, but those peaks tumbled right down ‎to where I am experiencing an extreme low right now. The worst of it, I am mostly to ‎blame for the lows. In the past I said “Never live with regrets”, but I do have one ‎now. I regret that I believe in people too easily.‎ ‎ ‎

I have thought of my good and my bad trades that I friend brought under my ‎attention, and I am going to add a few things there, and while I am on this low, ‎maybe identify them, work on them, and when I experience a good vibe again, just ‎enjoy the ride.‎

I always believed in either black or white, and no grey areas. It was one of my ‎‎‘weaknesses’ that was identified. The one time when allow grey areas, it bite where I ‎don’t like it. Other negative trades that I have are I am selfish, jealous, false-hearted. ‎I truly believe that one of my biggest mistakes is to allow people inside of me. I make ‎the mistake to people the important people close to me on a pedestal. ‎

When you put a person on a pedestal, the degree of disappointment can be ‎devastating. I am not talking about the person on the pedestal, I am talking about ‎myself. If someone is next to you and you disappoint them, you get over it easily as ‎they are your equal. When someone is placed on a higher level, the degree of ‎disappointment you can cause is so much greater. I have experienced it over and over ‎again. The frustration sets in even more when you realise that you disappointed your ‎friends and yourself. Double whammy! ‎

I allowed myself to open my heart to people, where I didn’t allow U-turns. This is ‎where I set myself up for major pain.‎

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