Chaotic Order

Posted: May 25, 2010 in Current
Tags: ,

This is just an ‘extension’ of the previous day’s journal.  Have you ever been forced to make a decision that you know you will regret for a very long time or for the rest of your life?  I sit with a dilemma where I have to decide whether I lose contact with a few friends or keep on ignoring certain things in life where they are involved.

I am tired of fights.  I have had enough fights to last me a lifetime, but it seems like I am a magnet for furious arguments and mudslinging contests.  I am tired of being misunderstood, yet we go together like milk and cookies.

Is there a way to change this without losing friendships I hold close to my heart and cherish?  Is there an easy answer to these predicaments?

I had a dream a few days ago… I dreamt that I woke up to go to work, for some odd reason I walked out of the front door to go and fetch the post, just to see that all my palisade fencing was stolen… support structure, sliding gate and the palisade! This dream was confusing… then I realised…

It was the same day where I opened up myself to someone, and exposed myself to this person.  I made myself vulnerable and weak.  Then I wondered if it was such a good idea.

I feel nauseous about this.  I allowed someone to get so close to me, when I knew better.  Will a person ever learn?  Is it possible to get rid of bad habits?  It is like something that causes pain to others when it is close, but hurt yourself when afar.


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