Posted: August 1, 2005 in Prior to 2006

I am thinking of ending everything for good.  I am trying to keep it together, but I am slipping; I am slipping fast.  I do not have the energy to struggle against it anymore.

Where smiling was a warm feeling for me, now is nothing more than pretence.  Things that was always pushing and shoving, now is pounding and crushing.

Will I have enough guts one day?  I know it is wrong, but maybe I will be forgiven when the reason is understood.  I cannot go on like this.  I cannot keep on faking life; I cannot pretend to be something I am no more… I just can’t.

Things I have been thinking will damn me forever.  It is getting to a point where I don’t really care no more.  In my life I met great people – probably the best ever.  But, why disappoint them as I did my family and friends?  I am tired of disappointments.  I am tired of failing.  Why pull someone down when you going under?  Why waste their energy?  Why see the fear in their eyes when they look at you as you go under?  Why make them cry?

I am tired of failing friends.

I am tired of failing family.

I am tired of failing love.

I am tired of failing life.

I am exhausted, I truly am!


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