Posted: January 1, 2003 in Prior to 2006
Tags: ,

Today I got a SMS from a very dear friend.  If there were lessons to be learned, it was with this lady.

Crash Course: She was involved with someone that made the same mistake I made in the past – he didn’t appreciate her.  I stuck my nose into their business and *swearing* everything… for them and my friendship with them.

When I broke up with my almost 5-year relationship, I thought that I lost hers as well since I screwed around with their lives… I had this idea because this friend and my girlfriend-at-that-stage were good friends.

Quite to my surprise, but I was proven wrong.  Firstly, she taught me what true friendship is.  No matter how bad the things I did in the past, she stood by me.  She never judged me.  She forgave me.  She taught me how to forgive. She taught me how to love (and I mean the innocent way).  She taught me what it means to be blessed with miracles in your life.  She is truly a miracle, an angel.

I mentioned to her that she probably broke a mirror seven years ago and that she was about to call it quits.  She thought I was joking.  I didn’t mean it as a joke.  From the first moment I met her, I was nothing but bad luck to her… and even with all that, she stood by me.

That is what they call ‘unconditional friendship’.  I really owe her a lot – if not my life.  I would’ve called it quits myself if she weren’t there for me.

And just for the record; this miracle comes in VERY nice packaging.  She is gorgeous – I just wish she realise it soon!

In the year 2003, I lost more friendships than the accumulated totals in my whole life.  That is where a person asks ‘What is wrong with me?’.  The problem with that question is that I don’t think 1 024 gigabyte of RAM will be enough and to be frank, I would not even know where to start.  I have many, many issues, but these issues seem to save me a lot of pain… not all, but some at least.

I always wanted to move back from Middelburg to Pretoria. My reasoning: a) the girlfriend at that stage, friends, and family. b) Studies and that type of things and c) obviously the nightlife!

I am back in Pretoria (Gauteng ZA) and it is not what I had in mind.

Family life is not what it used to be.  Lots of fights about the smallest, least important stuff.  I try to keep all my emotions, feelings and anger to myself and keep my mouth shut, but lately it gets to me.  I really need to part from all this.

I just don’t get it.  People say when you were involved in a relationship, and when the relationship fails, you cannot be friends.  I can’t see why this is not possible and on various occasions, I proved this theory wrong as well.  One ex-girlfriend I had was a good example.  We were involved for a few months but the long distance relationship couldn’t handle the strain.  Even after the break up, we still are good friends.  I know it takes some effort to revert back to friendship from a relationship, but it IS possible.

What I hate though… When these friends get involved with someone, they disappear from the face of the earth and only contact you when there are problems in paradise.  Does this mean my friendship only mean something until something better comes along?  Have I been another scapegoat?  Just a fool until I served my purpose?

Don’t get me wrong. I want her to be happy.  She is amazing.  I just wish the friendships lasted longer.


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