Love

Posted: February 1, 2001 in Prior to 2006
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Funny how I feel about love.  I believe it exists, but I question any aspect of it.  The famous ‘w’-questions (What? When? Why? Would’ve… Should’ve) scrambles like a storming whirlpool of thoughts, opinions and stuff through my head.

To say I had my fair share of bad luck and so on with this thing called ‘love’ will be an understatement.  Did I ever have a first love?  Did I ever have love in my life?  Did I ever have true love in my life?  I was in a relationship for a few years, and I thought it was the love of my life.  Only later on when I started to question everything, I realised that I was probably just used as a scapegoat for the lady to get out of her parent’s house.  Don’t get me wrong at all.  I don’t blame her.  Her family didn’t do much for her… and I was the catalyst for growing hatred.  And yes, I am ashamed of it when I think about all this.

I did love her at that stage though.  People asked me on various occasions if I would’ve taken her back is she returned on my doorstep and I always said ‘without a doubt’, but I don’t think so anymore.  I think I know by now I was played the fool.  Serves me right though.  I really didn’t treat her as a gentleman should treat a lady; whether love is involved or not!  This is where I can go on for hours with the famous ‘I should’ve’-speech.  I should’ve treated her better… I should’ve paid more attention to her… I should’ve… I should’ve…

*sigh*

One thing I learnt though… no matter where you find yourself, but where you meet a person, that person is bound to be part of a lesson in our school of life.  Whether the lesson is painful or cheerful.  Either way, if you not a real dumb ass like I can be sometimes, then a lesson will be learned.

What did I learn from all this? Quite a great deal: Firstly, I realised how quick you get attached… and more likely used to someone that shares everything with you.  Problem with this… if you not careful, you tend to take that person for granted.  But in my opinion, I think the biggest lesson I learnt with that break-up is that now I cherish the people in my life for who they are and what they mean to me.

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